I am a little burdened.

I have had some recent interactions with people I know and LOVE. GOOD people. Kind people. Caring people. AND these same people judge and gossip about others. I do not 100% understand it. But, what I think, honestly, is that because they are hurting and have been hurt, they use this as justification to say less than nice things.

My awareness is HOW detrimental this thinking is to both the person DOING the thinking and to others who have no clue why someone else doesn’t like them. One of my friends who struggles with her weight gets offended if the “skinny” client at the gym tries to help others be fit.  The “fit” client makes specific choices, including eating healthy, fresh food and she choosing to spend her time working out. She enjoys running and lifting. It’s part of who she is and what she loves. She makes these choices FOR HER.

In the same vein, my overweight friend, although making huge strides, making better choices, and having come a long way, feels that this thin gal cannot “relate” to her and therefore has no place in expressing her opinion on what it is to eat right and exercise. The very act of being thin,  and sharing the success, hurts the others’ “feelings”.

It is not right to judge someone who is overweight. But, neither is it right to judge someone who is thin and perceived as attractive. In acutuality, despite one’s WEIGHT, one can ALWAYS put their BEST FACE FORWARD, get dressed nicely, do their hair and make up. Both types of people, make choices – EVERYDAY – that reflect their individual value systems. Is one wrong, the other right? Not at all. But, the misperception of my overweight friend that somehow the underweight client, isn’t or can’t be helpful is absolutely the judgement of the thin client and NOT the thin one.

I guess I never SAW this before. I think it is time that we OWN our STUFF. No one does anything TO US. No one can make us feel fat unless WE feel fat. No one can make us feel ugly, unless we already BELIEVE THIS to be true! So the question must become: “WHAT DO I BELIEVE OF MYSELF?” “WHAT DO I BELIEVE ABOUT MYSELF?” “WHAT DO I WANT TO BELIEVE OF MYSELF – AND HOW WILL I CHANGE MY THOUGHTS AND BEHAVIORS TO GET WHAT I DESIRE, NO EXCUSES.”

One time a good friend of mine made the off comment “The way you look is very important to you.” She did NOT say this in a supportive way. It was more like a swipe. I thought about it a lot. “Do I come across self absorbed? Is that what she thinks is the ONLY thing important to me?” At the time I know she was struggling with the way SHE looked and felt.

I thought about that statement. I try and workout everyday. I have taught myself after YEARS of self discipline to eat only healthy stuff and never eat garbage. I am 5 foot NOTHING and have almost no room to “cheat” without gaining an immediate 5 pounds. I could bemoan the fact that I can’t eat what others eat in the portions others do. But, instead I do the best I can with what I have. I do care about what I look like, I think everyone should. Your body is a temple. But, I personally don’t think about it all the time and certainly don’t judge others for the way they look.

It took me awhile to dispel the judgement that my friend put on me – but why did it bother me? I thought about that. Because I make the CHOICE to workout everyday, and make healthy choices – which is TIME CONSUMING and because our society tells us that somehow spending time taking care of ourselves is EGOTISTICAL, I realized BOTH she and I had a subconscious judgement. I spent more time then she did therefore I was more concerned about my looks then she was. However, I have NEVER seen my friend without a GREAT outfit on, and her hair looking fabulous. So, who in this situation is MORE concerned about their look? AND does it matter? And IF it does matter to me, and it DOES MATTER to me, because I am a personal trainer and weight loss coach – I BETTER WALK MY TALK – why is it “negative” to make sure I look my best while I’m helping others look their best?

So, why belabor this point. It is simply this: When we judge OTHERS we waste VALUABLE TIME AND PRECIOUS ENERGY! We are all called to do and be something. These callings are different! We need to get SO OK with who we are, whose we are, and why we are here, it doesn’t matter for a minute WHAT someone else does or doesn’t do with their life.

Let freedom ring – in your heart and mind. It’s time to stop judging ourselves, and others. We must ask ourselves, am I doing the best I can, with what I have, from where I am….

In the “you can do this” “earn your worth” society that we live in, it can be VERY difficult to not only accept help, but to even acknowledge that we need help! I hear it all the time – I SHOULD be able to do this! Why, can’t I lose weight – and worse – What is the MATTER WITH ME THAT I CAN’T lose weight! Read the rest of this entry »